sábado, 27 de novembro de 2010

my love story (& like everyone with an awful end)

i'm gonna tell you a dramatic and sad story. obviasly it's a true story, and you probably can guess that is about love.
in the november twelfth, i started talking to a guy who i shared lots of really intense eye contact, we have never talked before, but somehow we shared those looks. in that day i had asked for his number to a friend of his, that is in my class, and we started talking, it was a friday and we talked all weekend long. on monday we finnaly talked personally and spent almost every free periods together, just talking about everything, it was great and i though he was very nice and good to talk to, til the inevitable happened, i started to like him, despite i was in denial, because he had a girlfriend and we could never be together like that, my best friend noticed that i liked him without me having to say a thing, she saw ''the look'' (the way i looked at him). and from the moment i finnaly accepted that i liked him, it was hard to really listen to the long conversations we had everyday, i just couldn't pay attencion when i saw his beautiful eyes, his hands touching my shoe, my face, my hand or even my leg, his beautiful lips, the ones i was craving to touch with mine, his curly hair and everything in him made me get lost in the so supposed conversation. hoping not to get asked anything, i stared at him, imagining the day we could be together as one. we talked evrytime and we got together in the middle of classes just to hug each other, it was special and the feeling was starting to grow.. i know he had a girlfriend, but he was so.. just so. he usually wreak about his lasting relantionship with the girl i craved to be, but i didn't wished them bad, i didn't lay in bed at night wanting and wishing they would break up, i just wanted him to be happy.
fast fowarding a little while.. we had good moments and we were really close, like we talked a lot, with our noses touching and our arms involving each other. in a sunday i finnaly said to him what i felt about him, and he said it was mutual (by this happened he had already had broken up with his [ex]girlfriend), the next day, monday, the twenty second, i spent the all first class waiting for the free period, when i was going to be with him and when it finnaly was time, we met in our secret place [secret because he couldn't be seen with a girl when he had just broken up with his ten month girlfriend] and we kissed, it was amazing, delicious and i just didn't wanted it to end, in that very moment i realized i didn't just liked him, i could easily fall in love with him, he called me baby and love and he made feel special and loved, like i didn't in a really long time, thing that i missed and i wanted so. but then (and in a story there are always a but), then he had time to think, after all the time we spent together, kissing, hugging, he teached me card tricks, and i showed him my talent on doing the rubik's cube,he said we had to talk and in a free period at school, again, he told me thw way he felt, that he couldn't take on a new relantionship right now, because it was so soon after ending one, and i really get it, its reasonable and true, i been there and i know. i got all sad and depressing obviously, because of the way i am and how i deal with those things, i cried a lot, that's for sure.
but then we were together in the middle of a class and we kissed, i knew he didn't wanted a relantionship, but that wasn't necessary, we could be just together, we both liked each other and we wanted to be together, he just wasn't ready to have a boyfriend lable again,ok. after all this confusion, he had time to think again, thing that in this case, isn't good, because then he sent me a message (yes, because his phone fell seven floors and it can't make phone calls, it was friday night and a message was the only way) saying  that it was better for us if we were just friends, no kissing, i obviously didn't like it, didn't aprove it and didn't want it, but after arguing a lot, i gave in and accepted it. the talk stoped there, but after an hour or two i sent him a message, just to talk with him, no big subject, and he didn't understand what i said, i explained and after a while, another message, another no big subject, and again he couldn't understand what i was saying, i got upset and asked if we couldn't have a conversation now, after all this, and he came to the conclusion that all had changed, and that i was hurt and it was better for me if we didn't talk at all, i was tired of arguing, so i just said ''Ok'', and that was it, the end of all. he still has a story of mine, the kind i write and put here, but this one is n portuguese, and so today i told him he still had it and i wanted it back for my dossier of beautiful and immense stories. i realized he's really talking serious about we not talking, the way he answered was cold and not caring. i just feel depressed, sad, abandonned, it's like my father issue all over again. i wish it could be easier, i wish i wasn't grownded, and i wish i could go to his game tomorow, which i can't because i'm grownded, which i am because i am depressed and did bad things. i wish he didn't made me believe it could be something where it can't be nothing, and i wish i could show my love for him, but i don't regret nothing, i would do it all the same, like i promissed him.

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